Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
