I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
