can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
