Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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