you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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