mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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