I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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