Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
