i barfeds in our rink
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
