Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
