He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
