I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
