have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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