Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
