ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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