I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
