someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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