id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
