I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
