Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
