Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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