I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
