You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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