Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
