Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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