Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize