we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
