Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
