I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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