Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
