We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize