You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
