the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think my nap took me to another dimension
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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