I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
