im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
