So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
