I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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