Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
