wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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