I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
