I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
