so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize