I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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