I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dick has a subreddit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
