you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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