I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
