I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
