I'm lost and stupid without you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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