I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
