there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
