I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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