I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
