dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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