So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
