were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
