youre lurking in front of me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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