oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize