she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
