So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Houston, we have a squirter
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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