Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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