Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
