Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
