the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
