Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
