Well apparently he's into motor boating.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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