No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
