you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
