I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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