And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
