I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
