she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
