whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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