Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
