We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
